well let me first talk about how my team kicked butt in a soccer game yesterday! we've lost every single game, but now we advance to the finals! i played goalie for the first time, and i'm pretty glad i was able to block at least one shot ehehe

and tonight we play again :) ohhh i hope we win!

things to do tonight:

1.study for chem lab final
2.do 5 articles for japanese EC
3.read chapter 7
4.go through bio slides

aside from that, I have a very busy week!
Wednesday: academic counselor meeting, chem lab final, jpn essay, Bio 98 Review Session
Thursday: jpn essay, study jpn
Friday: Japanese final, jpn essay

monday: chem final
wednesday: bio final

my title is blahful but oh well :)

i passed my driving test; I had failed the first time however. well, not my fault COMPLEtELy, such an assholey guy who made the test super long and crap. well, wednesday's guy was really quick and fast. he didn't even make me park. i think he wanted me to pass, while the other guy tries to make people drive for a long time to find mistakes. safe,b ut whatever he's a jerk who made me cry at the end with his attitude. anyway, i passed my test and I drove all the way from irvine to san francisco, using tomtom was my guide and missing a critical turn that cost us about 40 minutes to recover. it was thanksgiving, so there was a lot of traffic!!!

i drove pretty much everywhere, from chi trangs house, to the dentist, to the restaurant.. i just didn't drive in the morning once because i wanted to sleep :)

thanksgiving was great. it was at chi trangs house. the highlight was probably super mario on wii, multiplayer. me, rudy, erin, and chi thy were struggling big time with the last firey lava roller coaster stage hahaha it was sooo fun! food was great! was great seeing my family too :)


the biggest news i have ever!!!
i went to nihonmachi japantown after a long time, and I saw this new tokyo exhibit display thing?! i thought it was some kind of japan culture museum, which it pretty much was. one the first floor there was a kissaten (coffee shop), and upstairs there was a store with all this cool stuff. one of the things that stuck out to me was the refillable cup, which utilized partial pressure air gas law (raolt?) and the cup would refill itself. it's kind of like a dog water bowl, the automatic dispenser ones. same logic, same theory. but it was cool seeing it on a glass cup. a lot of neat things, but just too damn expensive. afterwards, me and my brother went on the second floor
and I think i could have just died.

this was the big news
it was something I didn't think I'd be able to do until I went to japan next year
something I had seen only in pictures online
anime, manga,
within my dreams
for the first time in my life, I STEPPED INTO
BABY THE STARS SHINE BRiGHT
which was amazing to say the least :)
i kind of lost my breathe, and i was just so excited i couldn't speak
when i did though, i kind of turned into a big mouth, talking to the girl working there
i told her about how crazy i was about sweet lolita and how i watched shimotsuma monogatari
and i asked about how many dresses she had: she had 6! that's like omg 6 x 300 $$$$1,800 freaking dollars!!
she said to me, feel free to try on anything--- well, I really wanted to try it but i had my glasses on and whatever i
wore would be dasai (ugly). plus, i was really really embarassed for the first time in my life i realized that
i couldn't wear the look and i'd just end up embarassing myself darrrrnnn lol
i want one though!!!!!!!! except kazuya says it'll be ugly :PP well, i'll just have to save it for a day when
we're not hanging out then :P

today, my flight was at 7 and i woke up at 5:45. got to the airport at 6:45 (very convenient to live next to the airport :) uci parking and transportation was really nice this year to provide shuttles back to campus. i saw the shuttles on wednesday, but people had to go to the flagpoles in order to get to the airport, but today from the airport, the shuttle man was nice enough to give me a ride all the way back to vista del norte, instead of the flagpoles like i anticipated :) :) the driver wasn't a student, or a uniformed employee, so i really got the feeling, "what a nice dad!" hahahaa it was like high school again when people, adults cared :D


i have a long day ahead of me. planning to fix up mac and cheese for lunch. then doing laundry and doing homework.
i have a lot to do today: write japanese essay, chem lab writeup, catch up on chem, study for chem lab final, write personal statements for japan :\


i was going to end it at that, but I just wanted to say that before I was really wavering in my relationship, but it was mostly due to the fact that i'm like 87% alone here in my apartment in vista del campo norte, so i get moody and stuff. but anyway, i just realized that I gotta take it one day at a time. if he should ever decide to like someone else, that's his choice and it's fine. but for the time being, as he tells me 好きだよ, i won't doubt it, and instead i'll appreciate it and be happy, be glad that the person i like the most in the world still talks to me, and tells me he likes me too ^^



wow. how embarassing. who reads this anyway? nobody, yeah!!! hollerrrrrrr

i'm so... glum


i feel so hollow


so empty







I haven't posted in english in awhile, so i'm gonna do my best and type in english. when I'm writing in japanese, it's rather cheating because I'm not being honest with myself. i can cover what i say in japanese and not describe anything because i don't know how to say it in japanese. my vocabular is limited. in english, the words are original and of course raw. which is the exact reason why I don't really write in english because I don't want anybody to know how i feel because it sure is embarassing! in this way, i haven't been really honest with myself either, so.. I'm going to do my best and return writing to english, because I'm going though emotional turmoil now and I need to be honest with myself. oh well, i figure nobody really reads this anyway. but if anyone does, well, i kind of stopped minding and oh thanks for reading!


In japanese class, we're reading Moonlight Shadow by Banana Yoshimoto. In the text, a girl comes to love a boy to whom she gives her cat's bell to. Well, in an explanation that sensei was giving, those students often take the train to go to school. When she said that, I thought back to a time very, very, long ago. I was with him again, and we were both looking at google earth. He showed me his house, and showed me how he got to school: he take his bike down a long avenue and then park his bike at the train station, and take the train to his school. I remembered that night.
Then, I kind of bragged to yoshino. "tteka, i don't want to brag but watashi no kareshi ha sore mo yoku yaru yo(I don't want to brag, but my boyfriend also does that often)," I said. she laughed.

After class, she asked me where he was. After I told her, she said, "oh." as we were talking away, she told me how hard long distance relationships are. with the boyfriend she is going steady with now, when we went to study in japan for a semester, 3 months was a long time. she said of course they skyped, but then eventually you start missing them a lot, and she even got mad at him one time for not paying attention to her. I didn't understand at the time because we had been skyping everyday at the time. At the time...

Until just earlier, I hadn't talked to him for about 3 days, which is a big deal. It's okay that we don't video chat everyday, but at the least I get a text message or an email from him, even if it was short. What bothered me was the last things that I heard/read from him- "aishiteiru kekkon suru kara uwaki shinai de (I love you. we'll marry so don't cheat on me)," he said. To this I had a mixed reaction, but for the most part I was happy that he said kekkon (marriage), even if...

well anyway, I responded saying "zettai ni shinai yo!! ^^ shinjite~~ (of course I won't cheat! trust me ^^)" but, the message that came after that was....

"uwaki shita desho"
(you cheated already, didn't you?)

why was that the last thing he said? even as a joke, i told him not to worry. why would he say a thing like that, unless it's a psychological defense mechanism called projection where you express how you feel through projecting it upon another person. that is, he must be doing it, or at least thinking about it to bring it up. maybe he's secretly hoping that I cheat so that it would validate his cheating on me. hmm.... he was at the Tokyo Tower at the time, and I can only imagine whether or not he was out with a girl on date. even if just as friends, a date.. is a date! why does he have to be so good looking~~ anyway back to the point



well, I talked to him at first. He hadn't been online for a long time. For at least 3 days or so. I get pretty lonely, so even though nobody ever writes on my facebook (and if they do, I awkwardly reply) I check facebook often because it's a social thing and makes me feel less lonely for some reason or another. anyway, I decided to chat with someone, which is rare because I don't facebook chat that much. Instead, I use skype. but on skype I feel like I can talk to two people mainly. one is tetsushi, because he's so funny, makes me laugh, and is friendly. the other? well. yeah, him. except he hadn't been online for awhile, so hence the facebook chat impulse. then, I saw his name in the online list. it had been a long time since I'd seen him online, so I was really.. koufun shita w but if I was really being shikato sareteiru, I figured that I shouldn't bother him on facebook too, or else he won't come online anymore! i checked immediately if he was on skype or not. and well, he wasn't. I was kind of surprised, and I didn't know what to make of it?! there was no mistake, shikato! because he's sick of me... =\

well, after a couple of minutes his name also appeared on skype. so yeah. I tried not to make a big deal about how I hadn't talked to him in a long time, so I said hi to him as usual. none of the ''where have you been?'' or ''why haven't you texted me?'' which would be, completely meaningless. but I guess I said it more or less. ohisashiburi! nanka omoshiroi koto yatteita? toka. I said that...

but I don't know. It could just me, or it could be the reality, but the way he was talking to me was rather cold and distant. lack of interest. all his replies are short and devoid or any further encouragement to go on with the subject. I asked about his sister and studying. he didn't even care that I said i was feeling sick, which kind of hurt a little. but oh well. I talked about soccer. he was mildly(?) impressed that I can juggle the ball. i also told him that when we're playing soccer, I always wanted to tukamitakatta from behind. that is, hug him from behind. but then I joked that he sweats too much so it's gross, to which he gave a better response. hopefully he smiled when he read that.
and then I asked if we could video. how.. awkward it was. well, I decided to just act normal and instead admire him instead. I hadn't seen him in awhile, and his hair grew longer. he was wearing different clothes that I had never seen before, which is of course expected haha but yeah. it's always a little lonely to find out something you didn't know about someone you really care about.

Again, I was the only one talking because he lives with his family, so he doesn't really talk to me, ever. although he does talk on the phone... anyway, for the most part he had a rather bored expression, but I did my best to ignore it. as I was talking, I could feel it coming. that sense of loneliness, and the ever sinking realization that I was talking to a person which my words would fall deaf upon their ears. the gloom of how I was having a conversation by myself.... this feeling was coming to my eyes, but I ignored it and continue talking anyway, my voice breaking, and my words becoming more slower and said in an awkward rhythm. at that point, i was telling him about how i injured a person each time I played soccer, when midway he interrupted me and said that he had to eat dinner... I really felt it then. excruciatingly lonely, and rather betrayed a little, because he really had no interest in what I was saying, or he could have waited til I finished? in any case, I displayed a rather pained expression as I felt the muscles in my face tense to fight back the tears. he saw this, and miraculously like a voice in the middle of a deep dark forest he said 愛しているよ.

now this was typical. he has pretty much always said this before we hung up the phone, but... since I hadn't talked to him in so long, and my anxieties are building ever higher and higher, this was... bitter-happy. I was so happy to hear it! bitter because I couldn't believe how happy I was to hear something that he says all the time. it struck me so strongly that I felt my defenses breaking. i hung up as fast as possible. when i was sure he couldn't see me anymore, i burst out in tears.　sigh. I'm a wreck.



i've been on the defense for this relationship for awhile. when he went back, I knew I wasn't ready to let it go when we were so atsu atsu (in love!). so i asked for a chance, and I still wanted to tukiatteitakatta (to still date). so i asked him if we could change our relationship statuses, which when he was here he was definitely against. he was a shy person, a private person so he didn't want to have that kind of embarassing thing up. anyway, i convinced him about half a month after he went back and we got to change our status yayy. he got more comments than me -__- i'm so unpopular! oh well

last week, on wednesday I think john asked me about it. "as a friend, i'm just curious... but is it true that you're dating...?" I had never been as embarassed as I was as then. it was all guys then, and I guess I was particularly embarassed about junya and hiroki being there. but when they heard it, hiroki told me "oh man.. enkyori (long-distance) is difficult." apparently he broke up with his girlfriend after one month. I asked him earnestly, "isn't it enough to think 'we'll meet again someday soon'?' I asked. he said that they often got into fights because they could only meet once a month. they were going out for 3 years, but they could only last 1 month after being separated... it was so sad.. he said that he still loved her.. awww

well, silly me, at the time I was thinking "well, we don't fight! we'll be fine," i thought. however, that day i told him about it, and i forgot why, but i ended up crying. oh, i remember. hiroki and yoshino, telling me about the horrors of long distance relationship so I brought it up to him. i asked him, 'until when are you planning to like me? watashi ha.. dono gurai jikan ga nokotteimasu ka? (how much time do I have left [before you stop liking me])', to which he said 'wakaranai (I don't know)'. so yeah, i cried. it was at that point that I realized, from hiroki and his girlfriend we had our own different kind of fight. and so from that, I decided i will no longer express my anxiety. I'll trust him! and I'll make our conversations pleasant, is what I thought. that is, the next couple of days he didn't sign on and instead we communicated via text message (and I mentioned what that was like above,) and my agony started again.



yeah. endless cycle.


on another note, this weekend I watched and finished hanakimi. yayyy it was great. shirota yuu is sooo hot! except at the end, when he was totally gaga for shun oguri, that totally girl fan service. not for me though. I prefer kagurazaka's character to remain all hot and manly and stuff haha. and whoever played shuichi nakatsu, SOOO FUNNY i loved his character! gosh, i really wished and hoped and prayed that ashiya mizuki would come to like him, but of course not she has to go to shun oguri's character -_- to me, a cold 'cool' guy isn't good. the warm funny guy will ALWAYS win my heart :)

sigh. i'm so jealous that at the one point the main character had a depressing moment, nakatsu was there to sweep her up her feet. he told her that he didn't care if she was a boy or girl, he didn't care who she loved, he still loved her and he would never, ever, hurt her. geez, why do the guys in dramas always say the perfect things?? sigghhhhh me i'm not a protagonist so i'm not so lucky haha i'm being dumped right now but no one to sweep me off my feet.



oh well.


on another note, i like lady gaga. i'm going to her concert in december!!! so happy









by the way, I don't plan on sleeping tonight.

君といつもいて

行ったあの公園で

桜の下で願いあったものは　　　　　桜の下で願ったものは

 

届いているかな

君の場所　まで

離れたけど

夏の思い出は

 

まだ残っている　　　　　　　　　まだ残ってる

あの夜の約束

二人の夢はにあるなと思ったに　　ふたりの夢はリアルだと思ったのに

 

もうあきらめたね

さようなら言ったよね　　　　　　さよならを言ったよね

でも強くなれる

Ｂｅｃａｕｓｅ　Ｉ　ａｍ　ａ　ｇｉｒｌ

 

県下したときも　　　　　　　　　けんか（ケンカ、喧嘩）

たくさんあるけど

笑い合った時も

いっぱいあるよね

 

君とのあんだかひそのても歌うへも　　君との～～～その手も歌声も

全部胸に　しめつけて　欲しい

 

 

 

まだ残っている　　　　　まだ残ってる

あの夜の約束

二人の夢はにあるなと思ったのに　　　夢はリアルだと思ったのに

 

もうあきらめたね

さようなら言ったよね　　　　　　さよならを言ったよね

でも強くなれる

Ｂｅｃａｕｓｅ　Ｉ　ａｍ　ａ　ｇｉｒｌ

 

 

好きだよ　なんでも　キット　　　　何度も聞いたあと

なんとか感動出来たよ

Ｉｎｔｏ Ｔｈｅ　Ｌｉｇｈｔ

とりたちのように

一人でも　つばさをひらげろ　　　つばさをひろげろ

 

人別れた後も　　　　　　　　　　○別れた後の

私のかけらは

これからどこへでも

わくはずはないよ　　　　　　　こわくはすはない？

 

まだ残ってる　あの日々の笑顔を見える　　　笑顔みれる

私だけの道は探しに行く　　　　　　　道をさがしにいく

 

 

あきらめたけど

全部忘れないのよ

 

素敵な思い出はまた作っれるから　　　思い出を

 

 

まだ残っているあの夜の約束

でも強くなれるＢｅｃａｕｓｅ　Ｉ　ａｍ　ａ　ｇｉｒｌ

 

 

 

 sigh


i really need to get my life back in shape



but really, i'm in so many pieces



i don't know where to start

 ルームーメートと話した

 

 

 

泣いている私を見ると

 

 

 

私をcheer up したかった。

 

 

 

 

 

で、久々　普通に人たちではなくて

 

 

 

 

あなたと関係ない人と遊んだよ

 

 

 

 

 

初めて　そうだった

 

 

 

 

楽しかった

 

 

 

新しい空気だった

 

 

 

 

全然ちがかった

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

全然違ったのに

 

 

 

 

やっぱり

 

 

 

 

だめだよ

 

 

 

 

かずやじゃないと

 

 

 

 

だめのよ

 









やっぱり




かずやがいないと




私・・・





大丈夫じゃない

 今日は十月二十五日

今日は特別・・・・


私の



世界で一番が



地球の向こうに行ってしまいました


行ってこないよ

 私に　　もう戻らないよ



今は

一人


前のいつも道理って


戻るはずなのに


どうやって？


どうすればいい？


私は

あなたと


時間を過ごしすぎて



もう自分で生活仕方


もう分からない





どうすればいい？

 

 

 

教えてもらいたい

 

 

 

かずやがいなかった道理

 

 

どうでしたか？

  

私は

 

 

悲しい時に

 

 

誰に相談しましたか？

 

 

私は

 

 

嬉しい時に

 

 

誰に知らせましたか？

 

笑わされたい時に

 

 

誰に頼った？

 

 

 

 

  

 

 

 

かずや

お願い

 

どうすればいい？

 

今

 

写真を見ている

 

 

 

 

あなたは

 

さっき

 

さっきばかり 

 

ここにいたよ

 

 

昨日は

 

 デイズニーランド　へ　行ったばかりじゃないの？？？？

 

この写真を見ると

 

昨日

 

２４時間前

 

ちょうど

 

一日前に

 

昨日

 

この時間に

 

 でいずにらんど　でいてたんじゃない？？？？？？？？？？？？

 

 

 

 

 昨日

 

 

花火

 

一緒に見たんじゃない？

 

 

昨日だった

  

昨日だったでしょう？？

 

なんで

 

 

今は

 全く

違う感じがする？？？？

 

私は

自分に部屋にいる

 

あなたが前に住んでたところは

  

Suffocatingだった 

いるだけのが

 

 

苦しかった

 

その部屋

 

居るづらい

 

 

 最後に

あなたの

ベットに

よこになった

 

 今朝に 

さっき

 

いてたのに・・・

 

 よこになったけど


ちょっぴりだけだったでも


かずやの臨場感ものすごい強いのに



実はあなたもういないから


覚え出した




今朝だけ




同じ国にいてたのに・・同じところ


同じベット


となりいたのに・・・

 


かずやという人はもう



この国にいない

kurushii yo




itumo omotteiru






itumo anata no koto omotteiru








joushiki teki ni, anata no koto



konnna ni ki ni suru hazu  ha iranai



joushiki teki ni


anata no koto omowanakute,

wasureru hazu de

jibun no seikatsu wo susundeiru hazu no yo



demo



shoujiki ni iu to


anata no koto






itsumo

omottetai





suki na koe

itsumo kiitetai




suki na kao

sawattetai



suki na egao

mitumetetai






shitagatte,


anata ga sorosoro kaeru koto




mukashi kara


kowakatta kedo


ima ha toku ni






kowai yo








anata ga inai to iu koto


kowai yo






anata ga inai sekai de


kowai yo







kowai yo



nakitai, kono kurushisa de


assareteiru


jitu ha...



hanaretakunai





hanaretakunai








hanaretakunai






hanaretakunai.....
 

atashi....




anata ga sattara....





atashi ha dou sureba ii..............................?
 

oshiete yo...
 






onegai








anata wa






kono mama de


manzoku rashii





anata ha

watashi no itasa



ki ga duitenai rashii







datte



renraku shitai kedo



renraku sarenai


renraku shita kedo


anata ha sunao taido wo shitete





nande

anatakara



renraku saretenai no?


doushite itsumo watashi dake nano?



anata ha



watashi no koto


omotteiru no??











mou juubun kurushii yo


anata ga

mou iku kara





naze


sore dake de ha nakute




watashi no koto ki ni shinasasou no?






jikan       hidoi






hanaretakunai



hanaretakunai



hanaretakunai kara




nakitai









naita



anata ga itta toki




mou nani mo iu koto ga dekinai




nani mo iu koto dekinai




nani mo iu koto ga dekinai kedo




yokattara



hitotu no koto ga



anata ni




todoku koto ga areba




sono todoketai kotoba wa





atari mae jyan



aishiteiru yo






kokoro kara


sou omotteru

 i don't want to listen to ai otsuka anymore

i don't want to hear this song again

i don't want to hear the lyrics, 'ikitai yo kimi no tokoro e' (i want to go, go to where you are...)





but it is oh such a beautiful song






if only listening to it did not painfully remind me every time how you are leaving me soon

I don't feel so good.






why you ask?






well, first of today is the first day of my period, if you know what i mean.





ughhh

i was feeling dizzy when i wasn't even moving

my lower abdomen was feeling crampy (ha ha pun)

and it just was really annoying to walk



but anyway.




yesterday, or today, i was up until 7 am trying to stay awake for an 11 o clock pizza date. but i ended up sleeping!!!!!!


why did i do such a thing, you ask?

i didn't want to sleep. i didn't want time to escape me.

i wanted to be as long as i could. but in the end i slept. oh  sleep hath defeated me.


it was pretty fun. i did youtube karaoke. and i even did a recording. (i love mariah carey - obsessed). and a little wrestling. hahaha. oh well.

i wish i did more recordings though!!!! i guess my roommate is here now, so i can't record more...





but whats more, is that instead of 11, i ended up waking up at 1130. by then it was too late.

soooo sad!!!!
oh well.




i cried all night.   i cried in the morning.    it just gets so hard to deal with.


harder and harder, as time goes on. i'm struggling.


so important to me, but what can i do?


i'm so conflicted


but when i stop to think about it


there really is nothing i can do



and i think



maybe it makes me hurt some more




i'm really hurting and there is nothing i can do about it


私は・・・

困っている。私はここに座っていて、あなたはどっかにアメリカにいて、同じ国にいてるよね。

でも、そろそろ
あれも

変えるところですよね・・・




i have to clean the room before miho gets back! it's a MESS! plus i have messy dishes!

mom looked through my stuff again!



does this ever happen to anybody?

i feel really unlucky

she just always happens to find the stuff i don't want her to see











i've been avoiding her when she asked me if i liked anyone





well, let's just say now she knows 








meh

have you ever woken up one morning

late

and just thought

oh, i don't want to go to class




well, hi. my name is kiwismilegirl and i'm having that kind of day


i'm not  the kind of person that plays hooky, but oh gosh all the work

to get to class

id have to get dressed (what am i wearing?) and put on makeup (hassle)



today, unfortunately is the day that they're shutting off our water from 9am to 4pm so i don't know if i have running water. i'm too afraid to use the toilet in fear of what would happen if they already did shut it off.

i also don't have my student ID on me. that's one dollar for the student bus shuttle. completely unnnecessary!!! i've been really short in cash, so that one dollar could be going to my laundry instead!!


oh yeah, i don't have my cell phone. i lost it. i can't contact penny to tell her that i'll be late. so yeah. ahhh


i'm feeling like i'm having  a bad morning today!!!! i want my cell phone. i'm so frustrated.



but alas i WILL go to school. for discussion. for penny. for the sake of turning in labs. for the sake of studying.

things i have to do today:

prepare for tomorrow's lab (spartan and flow chart and procedures
webworks for tomorrow's lab

read ch11 and do hw
also, review ch 10 and hw as well


i can accomplish studying much better at the library.
however i have to meet someone at 4. first, i need my cell phone, and i need more lab sheets.


well here i go and get ready now.

wish me luck yayyyyayyyayyyy

 I am selfish, and am only praying here here to You  because I need You, yet again.


You haven't seen me for awhile, thanks to the endless amounts of distracting pleasures that I have recently decided to pursue.


It was fun. It wasn't all bad. You blessed me with friends. You Gave me Joy in my life.






Or is it Joy?


Or is it Lust?






I suppose there is no meaning in about two months.



What will it become to? Only you know, and  for me to only guess how I'll feel then.



I don't think I'll be feeling very good. Please protect me from the pain and suffering that I Don't want to go through.



Let me be free.



But that's not why I am praying to You now. But You already knew.


I don't know what to do. I could go on ignoring it, which is very easy to do,


and pay the consequences.





Or I could work on it, and face humiliation and seemingly hopeless despair. 


It really is easier to do the first one.





Sigh.



Help me.



Do other people have the same problem as I do? What is this? Overprotectiveness?





I love her. I love my family.

She loves me. or, she loved me. I think she loves me.




How does she feel about me now?








Did I really make a big mistake? 




I never considered myself to be the selfish person that she makes me out to be,

but... after he came all the way here for me, I guess.. I should have...





Should have gone home?  I wasn't planning to!






I wanted to be with him. 


well, where is he now, right? in fact, where will he be in just TWO MONTHS? There is no meaning.










I am just a screwup.








God, please help me.

やばいいいいよ

化学クラス大嫌い！！
くそおおおおーーー

あと、ｗ


とにかく、色々幸せ。夏は素敵だね！でも、夏学校を取っている、とてもやばい
とてもきらい！！


HEY I GOT A HAIRCUT THE OTHER DAY!!! maybe i wasn't thinking so clearly haha. but anyway,
after class, i went to get my hair trimmed at the great clips at albertsons. i was wearing my glasses so..
i couldn't really see my hair without my glasses. the lady asked me, 'do you want to cut some more?'

and i'm like, 'hmm yes.' because i couldn't see without my classes. and this is what happened!!
she cut directly across!!  and yeah. i got a weird reaction from my parents. they said i look japanese!
meh, i've already gotten used to my hair but yeah. it was 17 dollars(with the trim around too). expensive! 

i'm kind of careless with my hair aren't i? i should have taken a cue from the lady when she said, "are you sure??'' and 
at the end of it, she even said "i tried my best" ^^;; she said it apologetically. i guess she's not used to that hair style.

but yeah. i wonder if i even need to bother to pay 40 for someone to cut my hair with 'technique.' do i need it? eh


me with normal expression :|

waah i'm bored! i'm in the library now and i have nothing to do!!!


for some reason, even though i'm rightclicking the pictures, which usually lets me take out the links in the pictures and resize it, i can't rightclick! the menu doesn't pop up so i'm pretty frustrated so yeah the pictures are humongous!!



oh here is a special treat!!!! yayyy who is the beautiful girl!? hehehe  and who's the guy???

 会いたいよ

このごろは幸せですけど、ちょっとだけしばらく離れるのが必要です

今朝、あなたは何か言ってくれて、私を嬉しくさせました

まー確かに危なかったけど

大丈夫ですよね？

今近づきたい

ずっとそばにいてたい

  Do you have any condoms in your room?
変わらない。ありませんって。

Do you think the last guy/girl you kissed cares for you?
さーね。キスしたばかりなのに、その人はビデオゲームをやる時私のこと全然想わないでしょう！　ムカつく

Who is the first person you would call if you needed help?
神様

Who was the first person to break your heart?
高校の初恋、私はどうしてもまた付き合いたかったんだけど、その人は私のこともう関係欲しくなかった。

Do you find the opposite sex confusing?
さーね。時によって。参考書なんてありませんか？

Is there someone you wouldn't mind kissing right now?
その人は存在していますーよ

What was the first thing you thought of this morning?
起きないとならない。ラブの宿題、いっぱいあるから、まだしなかったしー！

Are there certain things that can't be joked about with you?
私はとてもsensitiveだから、気をつけたほうがいい。私は泣きやすいだし。

Do you think your ex will ever want to be with you again?
いいえ

Do you wish someone would call you?
いいえ！

Could you go out in public looking like you do now?
セーターとズボン入って、全然大丈夫。

Have you ever kissed someone that was high?
したことない

If you ended up in jail, who would be next to you?
監獄絶対に行かない。

Do you live on your own?
いいえ。

Who was the last person you laid in a bed with?
彼氏

Do you have any piercings other than your ears?
ありませんｗ欲しいだけど、いけない

Regret doing anything in the past week?
授業へ行かなかったこと、私はもっと動力しなければならない。化学は苦しくなっているところです。

Where was the last place you fell asleep other than your bed?
彼氏の胸ｗｗ

Do you like to read books?
うん、結構好き～

How many siblings do you have?
二人。兄と弟

Do you know how to swim?
泳げるかも。ｗ

Are any of your friends taller than you?
うん。

Are you wearing any make up right now?
もう取った。


When was the last time you laughed really hard?
昨日。よしさんと泳いでた。誰かがどこから目指された。どうぐの付箋をなぐられた。こわかった！あと、よしさんと体育館にいる時、冗談したりした。ｗｗ

When was the last time you cried really hard?
今日は泣きたかった。たぶん、最近のは木曜日に、とてもおなかがすいたけど、食べさせられたなかった。

Have you ever gotten alcohol poisoning?
ない。だんだんもっと飲むことなれるようにしているけど。

Do you need to say anything to someone?
かあああああああああああーん、私に気をしてください。＞＜

Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?
ない。

Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?
はい。

Does the last person you kissed mean anything to you?
はい。付き合いたい、本物・・・

What's the last thing that bothered you?
成績。化学のクラス。ラブ。

Where is your cell phone?
最後のがなくした。今は、どこかにあります。

Did you run anywhere today?
全然走れなかった。　

Have you ever had pink eye?
いいえ。

What was the last song you listened to?
hillsong のeverlasting

How was your day overall?
悪かった。

What was the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?
英語を教えてあげた。

Have you ever kissed anyone whose name started with a Q?
ない。

Will tomorrow be better then today?
さーね。どうでしょう。たぶんないです。父は来るから。

Do you remember the first time you kissed the last person you kissed?
うん＾＾

What's something you're excited for?
さーね。　もうなさそう。

Would you ever take someone back if they cheated on you?
しません。

Do you know anyone who doesn't smoke pot?
i don't know anyone who smokes pot.

January, what was your love life like?
なかった。

Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?
いいえ、いちず、本心じゃないと思うけど、まだ好き。

Are you listening to music?
聞こうとしたが、なんか出来ないです。

Are you sober?
うん。

Are you happier now or five months ago?
さーね。分からない。今は彼氏がいるなのに、成績あまりよくないからあまり嬉しくない。

What are you currently hearing right now?
サッカーの音。ビデオゲーム。

Have you ever been nice to someone who treated you like crap?
yes.今日、ラブで、パートナーめっちゃくちゃ失礼。

What was the most memorable thing that happened last summer?
もう忘れた。あああＵＣＩでsummer school

Saddest part: 
分からない。hanareru koto

Do you think that you have made a difference in someone's life?
i don't know.

Ever kissed someone else's boyfriend/girlfriend?
no.

Who was the last person you got into a big argument with
母。

Where is the person who has your heart?
分からない。

What do you want for your birthday?
車。お金。エックステンション

Ever kissed someone who's name starts with an "A" or "S"?
ない。

When was the last time you wanted to punch someone in their face?
さーね。

Is there anyone who doesn't like you?
いる。ラブパートなー

Have you ever been awake for 2 days straight?
ない。

Are you happy?
嬉しくない。

Do you believe ex's can be friends?
ない。

Who was the last person you took a picture with?
みんな。りんごさんのさようなら会で、みんなと写真撮った。

Did the one person who hurt you the most in your life apologize?
分からない。そんな人は存在しているかどうか分からない。

What would happen if you had a baby with the last person you kissed?
無理。母に殺される。片親になります＾＾；；

 Do you have any condoms in your room?
残念ながら、とりあえずありません

Do you think the last guy/girl you kissed cares for you?
いいえ、私はもう気にしませんからさ

Who is the first person you would call if you needed help?
母！！

Who was the first person to break your heart?
in 7th grade時に、ある日にケビンというあいつに告白された。でも、３日間後、他の子と付き合って始めた -___-

Do you find the opposite sex confusing?
うん、参考書なんてありませんか？


Is there someone you wouldn't mind kissing right now?
その人は存在していますよねｗ

What was the first thing you thought of this morning?
もう忘れた！でも、夢には、この学期はもう終わったのに、なんとなく先生に最後の作文されられた！めっちゃ怖かったよ！私はこのときに、もう学校と関係があること考えること出来ない


Are there certain things that can't be joked about with you?
私は面白くない人だから、いっぱいことは冗談じゃない。たとえば、誰かがhurtされていれば、冗談じゃない

Do you think your ex will ever want to be with you again?
いいえ

Do you wish someone would call you?
別に。今はめっちゃくちゃ平気 :)

Could you go out in public looking like you do now?
うん、さっき出かけてたｗｗ

Have you ever kissed someone that was high?
したことない

If you ended up in jail, who would be next to you?
んーーー　わかんねーー　たぶん、弟ｗ　弟は音楽を違法でダウンロードするからねｗ

Do you live on your own?
寮に住んでた。今度はアパート、自分の部屋がある。両親と離れいるから、そりゃ「on your own」って定義に入る？

Who was the last person you laid in a bed with?
なんだろｗ　たぶん兄。今朝私は寝ながら、兄がテレビを見てた。

Do you have any piercings other than your ears?
ありませんｗ欲しいだけど、いけない

Regret doing anything in the past week?
いいえ、別に。満足です～　でも、顔本で、kiwismilegirlってにした。「evelina」ってのほうがよかったのに！！！＞＜

Where was the last place you fell asleep other than your bed?
両親のべっど。兄のベッド。車。公園。空。色々

Do you like to read books?
うん、結構好き～

How many siblings do you have?
二人。兄と弟

Do you know how to swim?
泳げるかも。ｗ

Are any of your friends taller than you?

Are you wearing any make up right now?


When was the last time you laughed really hard?

When was the last time you cried really hard?

Have you ever gotten alcohol poisoning?

Do you need to say anything to someone?

Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?

Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?

Does the last person you kissed mean anything to you?

What's the last thing that bothered you?

Where is your cell phone?

Did you run anywhere today?

Have you ever had pink eye?

What was the last song you listened to?

How was your day overall?

What was the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?

Have you ever kissed anyone whose name started with a Q?

Will tomorrow be better then today?

Do you remember the first time you kissed the last person you kissed?

What's something you're excited for?

Would you ever take someone back if they cheated on you?

Do you know anyone who doesn't smoke pot?

January, what was your love life like?

Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?

Are you listening to music?


Are you sober?

Are you happier now or five months ago?

What are you currently hearing right now?

Have you ever been nice to someone who treated you like crap?

What was the most memorable thing that happened last summer?


Saddest part: 

Do you think that you have made a difference in someone's life?

Ever kissed someone else's boyfriend/girlfriend?


Who was the last person you got into a big argument with

Where is the person who has your heart?

What do you want for your birthday?

Ever kissed someone who's name starts with an "A" or "S"?

When was the last time you wanted to punch someone in their face?

Is there anyone who doesn't like you?

Have you ever been awake for 2 days straight?


Are you happy?

Do you believe ex's can be friends?

Who was the last person you took a picture with?

Did the one person who hurt you the most in your life apologize?

What would happen if you had a baby with the last person you kissed?

 May 23, 2009

 

こんにちは。今は私は空港で飛行機を待っている：）

めっちゃめっちゃうきうきです！私はめっちゃめっちゃ家族を会いたい！

Fucking しばらく会わなかったので、すぐに会いたいよ！！！

今は、好きな歌を聞いている。ＪＵＪＵという歌で、「明日が来るなら」という歌です。大好きです！！！

 

 

そして、優しい人さんおかげで、その十二パーセントカチの宿題が出来るだけ出来ました！そして、次の日中間試験には、Ａを取りたいな！！！！！！知らなかったことはnaming molecular compounds. I had no idea what the heck they were talking about. It was like… ammonium nitrite, diphosphorous pentoxide, and sodium chloride. I guess the only one that I’m not sure of was the first one. Ammonium nitrite. The other thing that I couldn’t figure out what was the polar bonding stuff. It was CL-C, CL-Al, or CL-O. Well, I know for sure that CL-O is the most… non polar? But what got me was if CL-AL was more polar of CL-AL. after that, I think I did fairly well on everything else J waahh jin you’re the best!!!! I’m so sorry jin, I mad eyou do all those tings for me, and also I made you help me with my exam!!! TT__TT

 

that was tuesday. After that I spent a really long time freaking studying for chemistry. The one thing about Wednesdays ALWAYS is that I ALWAYS have too much class. I went to digital photography class, but umm yeah.. I didn’t do the assignment so that was pretty bad.  I guess I’ll submit it to him late. But the problem is that i really don’t have a camera so what can I do!!!i left my camera in cj’s car. So yeah.

 

Oh my freaking goodness, I drank SOOO much coffee this week. I drank one on…. I don’t know. Too many coffees. What’s more is that I drank coffee yesterday too!!!!!! TWO COFFEES! Omg one in the morning. Then later one when I was at gateway with cindy. Holy crappola.. ED TANKAA lololol

 

On Monday, I was up pretty late. OH YEAH LOL I WAS AT GATEWAY HELLA LOT TOO!! Hahah. Until closing time for a whole bunch of nights this week. But yeah. Started on Monday I decided to get coffee and I saw ed tanaka there. I didn’t want to just get white chocolate mocha anymore. He recommened Americano to me. So I had it. It was alright lol iono maybe I’ll get a good idea of what GOOD coffee is one day but yeah hehehehee… (my dependence on coffee started on Sundays with joseph!! LOL) anyways yeah.

 

後、水曜日に化学の試験を勉強ばかりしてた。：）火曜日に、気分がめっちゃよかった、自身があったなので、ま、エド田中さんとミツワへ行って、楽しかった！！美味しかった！らメンを食べた。あと、田中さんは日本人で、兄はけんどをやる人です！もしかして、あの人はあの人と知り合いかもしれませんか？あるいは、県下したことがあるかな？どうかなー

 

ちなみに、木曜日のＪＶＣで、ついに男と話しました＾＾ｗｗｗ申し訳ございませんが、女と話すのはもういやですｗｗｗｗ可愛い男と話したいわ！

でも、その人はまあり可愛くない。静かだし。いいことは、その人は１８０センチ。私、背が高い人が好きだから。その人はあまり話さないですｗｗｗ。私が可愛いと思っているかどうか、私は迷いますよね！

 

ｗｗｗｗ最初に、だれかが私を見てたｗｗｗｗ見つめてられたみたい！ｗｗｗｗめっちゃめちゃ変やで！かなり、恥ずかしいｗまああｗｗｗｗ面白かった！！

 

後、その友達、他の人、金髪のやつもいてた。私を見てたｗｗｗｗｗ面白いｗｗｗ

 

じゃあこれから飛行機に乗ろうぞ！！！乗るところｗｗｗ

With a paper due tomorrow, a midterm on tuesday and thursday,

I just keep thinking of better times.

It's quite like SAW, isn't it? I saw the trailer for saw yesterday because joseph showed me. from what i understand, those people were there because they did not appreciate their life. only after their life was endangered did they come to value their existence and the things they took for granted.

In the same way, while idling my time away and thoroughly dreading this week, I think about all the things that I wish I could be doing instead. The sad thing is that I had plenty of time to do it, after the first round of midterms. and now that I have come to want to, I can't. Ha. ha. ha. funny, isn't it?

I have a new agenda, and a few goals. I have plans that I want to carry out, and, I have a secret.

I really wish I had someone to talk to about this. Really preferring a girl. It's weird how the one girl that I want to talk to about this kind of thing is several miles away in davis. here in irvine, it's all good fun and all, but I don't think the people I talk to can relate with me on this. instead, my roommate is a sufficient conversation partner, but sometimes I feel like, well, she's very mature, and in this case too mature. Whatever I say just sounds really pointless and ultimately has no relationship to her. I mean, it's good to have people to tell me "you're fine just the way you are." well, but still. Someone who is pretty similar and can understand how i feel would be nice. ha. ha.


oh by the way, earthquake happened just now. I'm fine, I think. Hopefully there's not aftershock. my heart is still beating rapidly though. I'm glad I wasn't in the elevator.



what if i just died here?

i really have to kick it into gear!!!

my schedule looks like this:


PLUS I HAVE 10 chemistry homeworks to do.... TT_____TT by tuesday!!

sunday: church, studyyy
monday: larc chem, chem discussion, QUIZ in japanese!, writing class (policy) small groups, HISTORICAL ANALYSIS due!!
tuesday: ANTHROPOLOGY MIDTERM!!!, review session LARC 6-8, missing vball practice.. =(
wednesday: larc chem, chem discussion 5-7
thursday: CHEM MIDTERM!!!!! VOLLEYBALL GAME!!!

can anyone say fml?? ^^

today: hr analysis (graph and writing!!! and sources) maybe jpn stuff, chem some
tmrw: historical analysis, chem hw, jpn
monday: anthropology study!!!
tuesday: study for chem like crazy
wednesday: same as tuesday
thursday: KILL THE MIDTERM


can I do it? will i be able to? who really knows, but I have no choice so here I go!!!! ^^v